2006.08.02
Last week I went to see a taping of the Colbert Report with an old friend from high school and his archaeologist brother. Despite being an archaeologist he does not carry a whip. I could not understand how he keeps the Nazis at bay. Luckily there were no Nazis or rolling boulders to hinder us on this particular outing.
The way to go see a taping of the Colbert Report is very simple. First have your old friend from high school obtain tickets somehow and invite you along. Then go 2 hours before the doors open and get on line. You might see some forlorn looking people on the standby line with no tickets. If you have an extra ticket you can bring them along. You can propose a quick singing or dancing contest to choose which standby to take with you.
After the staff opens the door they will give you a numbered card as you enter. Then you will wait another 20 or 30 minutes in a room which has a water cooler and bathrooms. So don't wander around before lining up looking for public bathrooms that don't exist in NYC. Finally some staff member will give a little spiel and then let everyone into the studio in numerical order. Don't be too happy that you got in the front row because cameras will be rolling around in front of you blocking your view.
A warm-up comedian will then warm-up the crowd by telling jokes and asking almost everyone where they are from. He might then ask single guys to stand up and try to promote them to the female audience members by asking them personal questions. Be sure you have some unique sexual positions in mind to make a good impression.
After some director guy gives his clapping and cheering instructions, Colbert himself will come out and interact with the crowd. Try to pay attention to how tall Colbert really is, because everyone will ask you this question later. By now you will have some amusing questions to ask him because a staff member warned you earlier. If you're {insert race} ask Colbert if you can be his {insert race} friend. Some Chinese girl did that and she got the special treatment!
While watching the show, concentrate on the jokes. If you spend too much time examining the mechanics of the various cameras, crew activities and other distractions you won't be amused enough to give the hearty laughs required of a serious studio audience member. Clap hard and fast and enjoy the show.
Final note: Do not hang around outside the studio hoping to catch Colbert as he goes home. He actually leaves the building using an Einstein-Rosen bridge. Also, it's lame.
--Old blog comments:
August 2nd, 2006 at 2:33 pm
jer Says:
Great post! Man, I wish I could go see Colbert, but unfortunately that would involve:
A) getting on a plane
B) going to New York
and
C) going to the airport